Rewind
by Autumn Win-Dow
Summary: He felt as if he was falling into a dark pit of no return, no beauty, no simplicity, because there was no love.


**_Rewind_**

**By Autumn Win-Dow**

* * *

Unconcerned about the looks he was bound to receive, Natsume carelessly swung to door of the shabby café open – his hair was messily splayed over his sweaty forehead, and his suit jacket had slipped a few inches down his broad shoulders. With a swift movement of his arms, he adjusted the jacket back into its comfortable position upon his shoulders as his sharp eyes scanned the tables of customers glaring at him for entering rather unceremoniously.

He was able to catch the sight of a head of blonde hair in the far corner of the café. His close friend was absently tapping his nails upon the oak wood of his table, in which Natsume assumed was impatience. He had been called by the blonde half an hour prior to his arrival, and was briefly berated on his continuous tardiness. It made Natsume wonder how he had earned a friend willing to wait another half an hour for him – or perhaps, it was the urgent tone in his best friend's voice.

"Ruka." He greeted the blonde as he took the empty seat available and wiped his damp brow with the sleeve of his suit jacket, which he eventually opted to take off.

Ruka sighed disdainfully at his hurried state. "You're late again, Natsume. At least you _look _like you made a genuine effort to make it here as soon as possible."

"You said it was important." Natsume retorted, irritant at his friend's observational skills.

After a brief silence between the two young men, as Natsume started to gulp down the water from a condensation covered glass and Ruka fiddled with his paper coffee cup, the blonde started to get to the point of their intended conversation. "…You've been working way too much, Natsume."

Natsume immediately stopped drinking the ice cold water, despite his thirst from sprinting towards the café, and roughly set down the glass in slight frustration – and he was the type of male who had temper issues.

He sharply huffed before replying, "That's what you wanted to talk about? I ran all the way here just to talk about work?"

"Natsume," Ruka's voice turned sour, unhappy that Natsume was scoffing at his statement. "I don't care that I may sound like a child, but _I'm dead serious_. This is seriously affecting you, and now that you have-"

"I'm a grown man, Ruka." The dark haired male interrupted him, also irritated in regards to where the conversation was heading. "I think I can handle myself."

"Do you think this is a joke?!" Ruka raised his voice as a result of Natsume's repetitive insistencies, and just like his best friend, managed to capture the attention of all of the customers in the café. However, the observers felt like the audience of an episodic drama as they watched the handsome blonde set off in a hardly contained rage.

Ruka had hardly noticed the attention he was garnering, as a shocked Natsume made nervous glances of his surroundings, before attempting to comprehend what made Ruka snap at him.

"Ever since then, you've been burying yourself in your work, isolating yourself from everyone – your father, your sister, and everyone else!" Sensing the strange atmosphere, Ruka chose to lower his voice – therefore the prying ears of the customers furthest away from the duo were left disappointed. "Do you know how much they're worried about you? Your father calls me every night to make sure that you're eating well, even though he himself is sick! Do you know how much you're making him feel upset, and because of that I have to _lie? _You know I hate lying…"

His voice started to quiet down into a whisper, and Natsume simply kept his gaze on his watch, while firmly gripping the empty glass in his hand.

_Am I really doing this to Dad? And Aoi? _He questioned himself, as his hold grew tighter.

He barely resisted smashing the glass against the wall of the café.

Meanwhile, he could barely make out Ruka's voice as he continued to plead. "As your best friend, I can tell that this isn't good for you, Natsume. I know you're going through a rough time, but ever since…"

"_Natsume?_" Natsume suddenly heard a familiar voice, similar to the gentle clinking of wind chimes, which completely blocked Ruka's voice from his mind.

His head suddenly shot up in order to meet the charming eyes of a brunette woman smiling at him as if she hadn't heard the words which Ruka had kept in until that moment.

He had never felt so utterly speechless in his twenty seven years.

"…Mikan?" He muttered under his breath, and he vaguely felt his tight hand relax from gripping the thick glass cup.

"_Hi, Natsume!_" Mikan waved at him despite only standing a metre away from him, and she had a giddy smile on her lips.

Natsume scanned her head to toe. She appeared exactly as he had last seen her – happy, brightly-dressed, and beautiful. It was a simple and clichéd description of Mikan Sakura, but to Natsume, it was exactly what she was – beautiful simplicity. He had longed for her presence for three months – which was the reason why he had isolated himself from his friends and family until she returned to him – and now, in the small café of which only a small population of the city was aware of its existence, he was finally able to see her again.

However, he couldn't bring himself to stand up and hold her in a bone-crushing hug, no matter how much he longed to do so. Natsume had been waiting for this moment for three months, yet he wasn't able to move a muscle or a joint – except for the sore fingers on his right hand.

"…You're back." He barely choked. His breathing was starting to feel increasingly heavy.

"_Did you forget about me, Natsume? Mean_." She huffed in mock irritation, as she placed her hands at her slim hips. "_What's wrong with you? Are you sick?_"

He missed her playful taunting as much as he did her presence alone.

"No. I'm just…" He hesitated, as he tried to draw out the words which he had been planning to say to her if he ever got the opportunity to see her again.

Natsume sighed deeply, before – without an ounce of regret or fear – speaking the words repeating in his mind for those three months. " I'm just glad that you're back, Mikan."

After he said those words, he felt breathless. Perhaps it was how beautiful she looked, how she forced him to ignore everything else occurring in the small café – he decided that even if a car came crashing in through the window, he would still pay his wholehearted attention to her presence.

_If I didn't die._

He watched in glee as Mikan's face bloomed a warm colour of pink, and she shyly glanced at her feet.

"What are you talking about, Natsume? I never left…" Ruka finally managed to successfully speak to Natsume, although his tone expressed his utter confusion at the turn of events.

Annoyed, he briefly turned to his friend – of whom was simply sitting there with a blank expression – and sent him a questioning glance.

"Why would I be talking about you, you idiot?" Natsume scoffed as he signaled with his eyes to Mikan, who continued to smile – without a single twitch emerging from the curve of her lips. "Mikan's here."

"Natsume…" Upon his realization about what was going on at that moment, Ruka's blank expression morphed into one of regret and concern. "…Mikan isn't here."

"Yah. Ruka. What the hell are you talking about?" It was no longer Ruka's turn as the confused one in the duo – Natsume raised an eyebrow as he drawled out his words. "Are you blind? Sick?"

"_I wonder what's wrong with Ruka-pyon…_" Mikan spoke from behind him, worry laced in her words.

"I'm not sick, Natsume. You need to snap out of this." Ruka's tone became convincing as he watched Natsume in desperation. "It's your-"

"Ruka, what are you saying? Mikan's right behind me."

"No, she isn't. Mikan isn't here. Please believe me when I say this. _She's left you._"

Natsume's patience had finally run out – he felt like a bomb of which its fuse had been completely burnt, a split second before the disastrous consequences. The raven haired man banged his fists on the oak table and stood up briskly, in rage.

"Can't you see?!" He roared at his best friend, and for the third time, they had gained an audience in the customers of the café. "Mikan is right in front of your eyes! Are you trying to ignore her?! She just came back!"

His furious yell had silenced the whole store, and Natsume felt his hands tremble in wrath. He wanted to hit something – a part of him considered the empty glass in front of him, or the table separating him and Ruka. Or Ruka himself.

The blonde couldn't say anything in retaliation – he simply shook his head, hoping that his friend would finally get the message.

Natsume had expected an argument to erupt between them, but Ruka's silence had put him off guard. Part of him wanted to believe his best friend of almost twenty years, and another part wanted to disregard it completely. His fury eventually turned into nervousness.

_No… she's here. Why did I even consider believing Ruka, anyway?_

In desperation, he turned to the people nearest to them – a shell shocked family, with a mother who held her wailing child close to her chest.

"You… you see her, right?" He forced out, pointing behind him to where Mikan stood.

He had sincerely hoped that they would agree with him. That they would nod, and that he could glance at Ruka knowingly before holding Mikan close to his chest – like how the mother held her child.

But his luck had run short.

The whole family – even the young elementary students in their cotton uniforms – shook their heads in denial.

The sight caused him to swiftly turn on his heel to make sure that she was there.

_If I can see her, then obviously she's here. _

He was left devastated, and willing to die of shame.

There was not a single trace of the woman he was infatuated with. Natsume had a sense of extreme guilt from within, and his legs suddenly felt like jelly. He wasn't able to comprehend the fact that Mikan was not with him, and she wasn't planning to return.

As he fell to his knees, in front of the observers in the small café, he didn't care about holding his reputation as a stoic businessman.

Because inside, he was a man in love with a woman who didn't know about his feelings.

He regretted it.

He regretted not telling her how he loved her.

He regretted not telling her to stay with him.

And worst of all, he regretted not telling her to cherish her life.

Natsume had underestimated the way she lived, and he hated himself for not knowing about how she really felt about the world.

Upon the realization that she wasn't coming back, he wept, and in his mind came repetitive self-blame.

_You killed Mikan Sakura! You killed her! Murderer!_

But yet again, he could still hear her voice. Vaguely aware of Ruka's hand upon his shoulder, he could still sense her presence around him. Even if he wasn't able to see her, he knew that she was still there. With him.

_They can't be imaginings. That's impossible._

_She's here._

"Natsume," Ruka tried to assure him, "It's your schizophrenia again. Let's go to the hospital."

Oh, how he wished that she was actually with him.

No matter how many times he told himself, he didn't know what to believe.

* * *

_**A/N: ...I had to write something. This isn't nearly as descriptive nor emotional as my other fics, though.**_

_**Critical reviews, please? :)**_


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